His eyes are open but the light fades
by xoTearDuctsCanRustxo
Summary: He cries at night. I know because I hear his sobs. He has nightmares. I know because I hear his screams. He's breaking. I know because I can see it in his eyes. WARNING: rape. If you don't like don't read. Phan friendship. Basically Phils been raped so yeah.
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

_He's so broken he may never be the same_

_I'm searching and searching for something to keep me sane_

_Hands are on his body, he fights them away_

_I wonder if he'll ever come back, when will it be that day._

_Why would they do this? They took away his innocence_

_If I could change the past I'd do it in an instant_

_The nightmares forever haunt his every nights sleep_

_I try to hold him together and watch him as he weeps_

_There's something in his hands I know they are blades_

_His eyes are open but the light fades_


	2. Chapter 1

"Hi this is Dan's phone sorry I can't take your call right now please leave a message after the tone"

"Hi Dan, its Phil I lost you at PJ's party so I'm walking back up home. I run out of money for a Taxi so I'll see you when I get home" Phil said quietly. He hated walking home at night when people were with him, so on his own was about 10 times worse. He felt a hand on his wrist. His body tensed up in pure fear.

_Oh. My. God. This is it I am going to die._

He spun around to see Chris smiling behind him still holding on to his wrist. Phil allowed himself to slowly relax.

"Did I scare you?" Chris giggled

"Yes, you did I thought I was going to get attacked" Phil breathed

"Oh don't worry you'd have to be unlucky to get attacked round here. It's quite a clean area only about one crime happens here in like a year. Anyway where did you go? Dan was looking everywhere for you"

"I just left him a message I couldn't find him so decided to head home"

"Oh well I think he's already home he took a taxi, I better be off, stay safe Phil" Chris smiled running off in the opposite direction.

That's when it happened.

He was walking by a deserted alleyway when somebody grabbed him and pulled him into the passageway. Whoever it was pushed him up the wall hands pinned above his head. His heart was thumping in his chest. _Maybe its one of the boys playing a practical joke on me. _He thought, but that thought was soon pushed out of his head when the person started stroking up and down his chest.

"Ooh, we got a real pretty one this time boys" The man chuckles still stroking up and down the trembling boys chest. Every bit of hope and positivity left in Phil's body was replaced by fear. Phil couldn't hear what all the men surrounding him were saying the fear had deafened him as well as muting him. The next thing he knew he was being pushed to the ground. His hands and knees were burning from the rough gravel beneath him. One of the men tied his grubby fingers in Phil's hair forcing him to face upwards. Phil opened his mouth to say something, scream maybe but was quickly silenced by a punch in the nose.

"Don't bother, no one will care you worthless piece of s**t, do what we say and this will be over quickly" before Phil could reply the leader of the group thrust his fully erect penis into Phil's unprepared mouth, choking him. Phil had to fight the bile that was rising in his throat as the man thrust deeper and deeper into the back of his throat making him gag. The other men were stroking roughly and violently up and down his body. Up his sides on the insides of his thighs creating bruises wherever they touch. Phil felt the man fill his mouth with his liquids before he pulled out and put his hand violently over Phil's mouth.

"Swallow!" The leader commanded and waited for Phil to follow his order. Phil grimaced as he felt the vile stuff run down his abused throat. The man punched Phil in the face watching as he fell to the ground. The man proceeded to kick the scared man in the ribs with a resounding crack. Phil screamed in pain earning him a slap round the face.

"Be quiet… Dom" The main man shouted making another man obediently come forward. "I believe it is your turn today" He questioned earning a wide grin on the mans face.

The man pulled his trousers down to his ankles in record time as Phil waited for him to the same as the last man but he knew this was different as a man started to undo Phil's buttons as well earning him to squirm as it registered what was about to happen. The man through Phil's jeans and boxers over towards other five men. He placed Phil's legs over his own shoulders and without preparation thrust into him. Phil was a virgin in that area and felt as though he was being torn apart from the inside. He let out a long loud scream of pain and knew from then on he would never be the same again. _I'm disgusting, like he said I'm worthless there is no point me going home tonight Dan won't trust someone as filthy as me being in the house with him. _The man kept punching him in the face as he continued with the assault. Phil couldn't deal with hearing the mans moans of enjoyment he was getting from his own pain, the comments of how tight he was. He couldn't deal with the stinging, the burning and the relentless pain. He couldn't deal with the pressure the man was putting on his hips making them feel as though they would snap. Soon the man was finished but the other five were yet to have their turn. When all six had finished he was left alone, crying and in pain.

_Please save me._


	3. Chapter 2

Dan woke up to the light flooding through his bedroom window. _I wonder what happened with Phil last night. Wonder what time he got in. _

Dan left the room and quietly pushed Phil's bedroom door open and snuck around the corner looking at his bed with a confused look on his face. Phil's bed hadn't been slept in. _Maybe Phil stopped out last night _Dan thought. He went into the kitchen and made himself some cereal not giving Phil's disappearance a second thought that was until he checked his phone.

_One new message from Phil_

"Hi Dan, its Phil I lost you at PJ's party so I'm walking back up home. I run out of money for a Taxi so I'll see you when I get home" Dan heard Phil's shaky, breathy tone down the phone as he allowed the panic to set in. Phil had intended to come home last night so where was he now?

Did he go out this morning? Dan thought. No he usually leaves a note if he goes out. Maybe he went to someone else's house after he sent that message. No he wouldn't do that. _Please be okay Phil. _That's when Dan's phone rang. He looked at the caller ID to see an unknown number.

"Hello?" Dan questioned nervously

"Hello is this Daniel Howell?" the person on the end of the phone said in an overly professional tone.

"Yes, who is this?" Dan asked

"My names PC Moore from London police, I have a Mr. Philip Lester here I was wondering what your relationship is with him"

"I'm his roommate and his best friend, is everything okay? He's not in trouble is he?" Dan said not knowing what to think or how he was feeling.

"No, not at all could you come down to the police station as soon as possible please"

"Yes, yes I'll be right there" Dan said hurriedly, grabbing his coat and keys and rushing out the door and within two minutes he was on his way nervous and not knowing what to expect when he arrived.


	4. Chapter 3

Dan hurriedly ran through the door once he reached through the door and up to the front desk. Gasping for air as he'd just ran from about 4 streets away to the police station.

"Hello I'm Daniel Howell; I got a phone call about Philip Lester"

"Ah, yes Daniel I'm PC Moore who you spoke to on the phone, come right this way please" PC Moore said leading him into a small side room.

"Right I need to discuss some things with you. We contacted you first as we've looked through Philips phone and heard the message he sent you and thought you'd be the best person to contact. Philip was found a 6:15 this morning by a young lady walking her dog. He was on the floor down an alleyway bleeding and crying hysterically and wouldn't let the young girl touch him. She contacted us and we went and collected him with much difficulty. However, he needs medical attention but won't let the paramedics anywhere near him. He is also refusing to talk so we have no idea what happened to him. But from what we can see it looks like he has been attacked." PC Moore stopped to allow Dan to process the information. "We were hoping maybe you'd be able to make him see sense" Dan just nodded, that's the only thing he was able to do at the moment and allowed PC Moore to lead him down to a small room a few doors away from the one they were currently and he prepared himself before pushing the door open slowly.

The sight before him absolutely broke his heart. Phil's head snapped up as he heard someone enter. His eyes were red and swollen, all the life and qualities that made Phil who he was, was drained from his eyes and replaced by a terrifying fear that Dan had never seen in a person before. Dan never knew it was humanly possible to be that frightened. He was breathing heavily looking paler than usual. He had a black eye and a mark across his cheek along with a split lip. He was hugging his knees wincing as he backed into the corner. His black hair was strewn across his face. Dan's heart shattered into a million pieces when he saw the silent tears run down his face. That's when it hit him. _He's even scared of me._


	5. Chapter 4

"Phil?" Dan asked taking a cautious step forward watching in horror as Phil shuffled backwards.

"Phil, its me, its Dan" he tried again realizing Phil hadn't lifted his head up since he first walked in. "Please Phil, say something" Dan said trying to prevent himself from crying.

Phil looked up as though he was going to say something before another sob wracked through his small frame.

"Come on Phil it's me" Dan said desperately stepping forward again. Though his heart broke once again as he seen Phil look in dismay as he couldn't back away any further.

"Phil, you know I won't hurt you, neither will the paramedics, it's their job to help you please let them help you" Phil looked at Dan sceptically before heading back into deep thought. _Dan won't hurt me I've known him for years and he's never hurt me before. But he'll hate me because of what happened. Although I guess he won't if he never finds out. The other men will hurt me though; if I stay with Dan then I won't get hurt._

Dan could see Phil had zoned out deep within his own mind and managed to get close to him and kneel down next to where he sat without Phil even noticing. Dan reached out and placed a hand on Phil's shoulder causing him to flinch violently. Phil realized he had to be civil with Dan so that Dan could help protect him. With a bit of hesitation Phil grabbed on to Dan's arm and sobbed into his shoulder. Dan was taken aback but after a second his mind caught up and he began whispering soothing words into Phil's ear along with rubbing his back and stroking his hair in an attempt to calm him down.

"Are you going to let the paramedics help you? They can make you better" Dan whispered. Phil looked up, his once happy blue eyes dull and wide with fear. He shook his head violently tears dripping down his pale cheeks eyes begging.

"Please Phil, please come on, I'll stay with you and then we can get you home okay, how does that sound?" Phil thought for a bit. _I guess the quicker it gets done the quicker I can go. _Phil nodded unsurely and watched in fear as Dan invited the paramedics in. Dan stood by the door as the paramedics approached Phil.

"No Dan, please, why have you done this? I thought you wouldn't let them hurt me. Please Dan please" Phil screamed his voice full of pure fear and sounding more like a scared twelve year old than the twenty seven year old he was. It was the first time Dan had heard him speak and the amount of terror in his words made Dan feel as though his heart was being stomped into the mud as his stomach did somersaults as he watched on from a distance. The doctors had said not to come close as they were going to have to give Phil a strong sedative to make finding out the extent of his injuries easier. But to Phil it looked as though Dan had brought the paramedics in to hurt him while Dan watched on from a distance.

As Dan looked into Phil's fear filled face as a final tear fell down his face and he drifted into unconsciousness he knew the doctors may have just lost him every last bit of trust Phil had for him.


	6. Chapter 5

"I'm looking for Phil Lester, Where is he? Is he okay? Please tell me where is he?" Dan screamed at the receptionist at the front desk in the local hospital where Phil had been taken following his stay at the police station.

"Sir! Calm down the doctor will be out to speak to you in a minute if you are patient" Dan sighed knowing that making a scene would not help at this moment in time. All that was important was that he was there when Phil needed him most. He slowly walked over to the uncomfortable, blue plastic chairs and waited. After about half an hour of waiting a doctor came out with a solemn look on his face and called Phil's name hoping to catch the attention of any family that may be waiting. It worked because as soon as the name fell from the mans mouth Dan rushed over.

"Hi, I'm his roommate and his best friend. Is he okay? Can I see him?"

"Philip has suffered quite and attack. It looks as though he has been beaten he has three broken ribs, torn ligaments in his hip presumably from a fall and a lot of bruising. He should make a full _physical _recovery though we are worried about his mental stability. See Philip hasn't spoken since he has come round from sedation and he will not let anyone near him. We are concerned he may suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. That aside we think he will recover better at home with his familiar surrounding. Even though he will still be scared of you it is better than being around a lot of strangers. So follow me and you can collect him" The doctor slowly and carefully spoke. Stopping at points to allow Dan to register what had been said.

He followed the doctor through the bright, white corridors and through a door that lead him to a frightened looking Phil on crutches. Dan slowly approached Phil but he backed away, no light in his eyes just fear, just like before. Deep down Dan had filled himself with false hope that Phil would be back to normal after waking up but that was all forgotten after he had to walk at least three foot in front of Phil so that Phil didn't think Dan was going to turn and attack him. Just like the savage animals that had done this to him.

But that wasn't the only reason for Phil. Dan didn't need to be marred with the flaws of a disgusting whore such as him. He deserved so much better. Anyway Dan wouldn't hurt him. Then again he thought that when Dan set the paramedics on him. Who knows what danger Phil could've been in?

_No trust no one then no one will hurt me _Phil thought _And no one would ever find out. The biggest chance of anyone finding out was the doctor and he doesn't know so people will never no what kind of a slut I really am._


	7. Chapter 6

The journey home was long and awkward for Dan. I mean you imagine trying to get someone who is scared of everyone including his best friend into a taxi with a stranger. Plus Phil wouldn't sit near to Dan as he had lost all faith and trust in him since the paramedic incident. So he had his back against the door looking at his hands which were in his lap. Every so often Dan would look over at him and sigh wishing there was a way he could help the poor lost boy. A thing he had noticed about Phil since what happened was he would lose himself in his own mind. You could tell because when he was fully alert he was on the look out for anything that could possibly cause him any harm but when he was zoned out it was then you could get near him. You could sit right next to him and he wouldn't flinch or jump away he would just sit eyes focused on nothing in particular. But you couldn't touch him under any circumstances because that was like pushing him back into reality and he suddenly become vigilant and frightened again.

As soon as they got into their apartment Phil ran to his bedroom and locked the door. Dan slowly walked into the living room and looked around. It was only 1:00 in the afternoon and Dan remembered how happy he had been this morning. It was only this morning that he had rolled out of bed with a slight pounding above his eyebrow to remind him of how much he had drank the night before. It was only this morning that he looked into Phil's room and thinking that the vacancy may mean Phil had got lucky. It was only this morning that he was munching away happily on his cereal before he got that phone call. The phone call that triggered a long journey for Dan and Phil. Little did they know that journey would test their friendship and dedication to each other. A journey that started because some tw*ts thought it would be okay to beat up his best friend (and so much more he didn't even realize). It was then that Dan allowed the first tears to fall to mourn his best friend, because even though Phil was there physically he was not the same Phil that went to the party with Dan the night before and he may never be that Phil again.

That Phil could be gone forever.

**This is just a short chapter to tide you over and to explain a bit of them getting home etc. I'd like to thank you all for your reviews. Especially thanks to wonderfulfun for your great feedback you should read her fics they're amazing. **

**Also thanks to:**

**xRainbowNinjax**

**iHeartPotatoes **

**and a guest that didn't leave a name :D **

**Thanks guys **** xxxx**


	8. Chapter 7

Phil lay on his bed in the foetal position until he heard Dan go to bed. It had been so horrible shutting Dan out when he was knocking on the door begging Phil to speak to him and begging him to eat something. But how could Phil trust Dan after what he did at the police station? Plus Phil didn't deserve rewards and nice things in his mind he was just a disgusting whore.

When Phil heard Dan's bedroom door close he slowly crept out of his bedroom and into the bathroom. He slowly worked his trousers down and lifted his shirt over his head before staring at his reflection. His eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks were stained with tears. Disgusting, black and blue bruises littered his ashen skin. He had grazes and bruises across his ribs, hips and thighs some bruises were in the shape of the giant hands of the men that had done this to him.

He carefully lowered his boxer shorts and let them fall to the floor before stepping out of them. He noticed they were full of blood and burst into floods of silent tears. His genitals felt as if they were on fire and Phil realized he could have some damage due to the excessive amount of blood but he didn't want to ask for help or else people would know what had happened. He stepped into the shower and put on the hot water. It began to sting his skin so it almost felt as though he was being electrocuted. His skin began to slowly turn crimson but he did not attempt to get out of the shower. He needed this in order to be rid of his attackers. Deep down Phil knew that the attackers would never leave him. He would forever be haunted by the memory of them. But the irrational side of his brain was much more powerful. He started to claw at his skin as though he wanted to rid himself of the first fifteen layers as he thought that the layers below would be untainted. His stubby fingernails scratching away at his red raw exterior.

He then began violently scrubbing at his skin until small droplets of blood were dripping of his already violated limbs. He leant his back against the wall of the shower and slowly slid to the floor. He placed his head in his hands and gently rocked backwards and forwards, sobs and whimpers wracking his frame.

Meanwhile Dan was still awake in bed thoughts of men punching and kicking Phil flashing through his mind.

Phil was loving and caring. Although he was slightly shy, once you got to know his he was loud and hilarious. He was so innocent and never cussed yet you always caught him laughing at innuendos before anyone else got it. He was childish and weird but he had a great imagination and creative mind. Although he may not be seen as the sharpest tool in the box he was still extremely intelligent. When he smiled his tongue sometimes poked out the side of his mouth unless he covered his mouth before he laughed. He was always so happy and such a good friend his beautiful turquoise eyes always said 'I'm here for you' and he could make you feel better just with a look. It upset Dan that, that was all past tense now.

Phil was small and timid. He looked damaged and older for his years yet younger at the same time. His eyes said nothing but 'Help me' and fear gripped his whole being. He had lost all his trust and faith in people and now Dan could only assume he was rendered mute. He wouldn't eat, Dan doubted he slept. No one deserves this especially someone like Phil. How can someone do this? How can someone destroy a persons whole being and rid them of everything they were previously?


	9. Chapter 8

The next morning Dan stumbled tiredly into the kitchen to grab some breakfast. He had managed to get probably an hour or two sleep but his dreams were tainted by the images his mind had conjured up of Phil's attack. The effects of this even after one day were taking its toll on Dan's appearance. His brown eyes were dull and tired. His brown hair was messy and uncared for. He had large dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. If he was feeling this bad he could only begin to imagine how Phil must be feeling.

As he reached the kitchen he poured his cinnamon cereal into a bowl and headed towards the living room. He was shocked to find that it was already inhabited by someone else. The small figure was in the far corner of the room clutching something in his balled up fists that were wrapped around his legs. His face was buried in his knees and his black hair was sticking up. Dan couldn't tell whether or not Phil was asleep. Dan knelt beside him and gently laid his hand upon Phil's forearm.

Phil's eyes few open and his mouth opened as though he was silently screaming. He tried to back further against the wall even though he was already impossibly close to the wall behind him. The fear in his eyes was heart breaking as they began watering as a slow tear fell down his ridiculously pale cheek. Tears began to brim in Dan's eyes as well.

"Oh Phil, what have they done to you?" Dan whispers reaching out to trace the bruise across his jaw. Phil flinched away from Dan's hand and to his surprise Dan responded.

"P-Please don't t-touch m-me" Phil stuttered desperately trying everything to escape Dan. Dan's heart shattered again. Phil's voice was so weak. He was relieved to know that Phil hadn't been rendered completely mute but the way his voice sounded was alien to both Dan and Phil.

"Phil, please don't shut me out. I just want to help you, what happened at the police station wasn't my choice. I didn't want to leave you but the doctors said it was for the best and… what can I say… I believed them. I want you to know you can talk to me about what happened or you can just find comfort in me just please no that none of my intentions are bad I just want to help you through this" Dan said calmly as not to frighten him.

"Y-you c-can't" Phil whispered "Y-you sh-shouldn't"

Dan's brows furrowed he was now beyond confused. Was Phil acting this way because he was scared of Dan? Or was it because he didn't want to be helped? If so why would he want to suffer?

"Why Phil? Why shouldn't I help you?"

"I-I don't de-deserve your help D-Dan… P-Please let m-me g-go" Phil stuttered starting to sob Dan stepped aside letting Phil limp to his room and lock the door. Dan just sat pondering what Phil had just said. Why would he believe he didn't deserve help? It wasn't his fault what happen. Dan could feel Phil slipping further and further away from him and he didn't know what to do. He understood that Phil had suffered a trauma but surely the way he was acting was not normal. Dan was lost he felt alone like he was trying to make Phil swim to avoid sinking and there was no one able to help him.

_Talk to me Phil. _

_**I wish I could Dan.**_


	10. Chapter 9

Phil sat in his bedroom looking at the small blade in the palm of his hand. Could he really do this? He didn't want to, how weak would that make him look. One day he gets attacked and… _raped._ The next day he was here. He twirled it around in his fingers watching how at certain points a small flash of light would emit from the small reflective metal.

He rested the sharp edge on his pale thigh. He decided Dan would be less likely to notice the cuts than if they were on his wrists. He slowly dragged the blade across the skin and watched as the tainted red blood bubbled to the surface. In slowly trickled down from his thigh and took a painfully slow journey to his ankle. Phil was almost in a trance as he watched on. He continued until he had made for cuts on each thigh before moving onto his stomach. He made six huge cuts over his stomach before looking down at how the blood smeared covering his entire stomach and just stared poking at the cuts hissing at the sting of the burning wounds.

He heard the phone ring outside followed by Dan answering the anonymous caller but to Phil it sounded miles away. He got up and quickly slid out the door and into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He looked up into the mirror and quickly splashed water over his face before continuing to stare into his own eyes. He didn't recognize the boy who looked back at him. The boy who looked back was broken and empty with no hope left. He turned away and began to tend to his cuts. He grabbed a flannel and dampened it and began to dab at the bleeding wounds. The sting was worth it for the relief that the pain brought him. Once he was clean he began to search the cupboards for the first aid kit before tightly and messily wrapping white bandages round his middle and both thighs. Satisfied he crept back into his bedroom and hid the blade under his bedside lamp and climbed under his blue and green covers. The brightness and the life in his duvet cover contrasted against what was going on in Phil's mind which depressed him further.

Dan was sat outside Phil tainting his mind over analysing what Phil had just said. Suddenly he heard the shrill rings of the phone. He slowly waltzed over and picked up the phone.

"Hello" He said monotonously the stress had really used up his energy.

"Hello, is that Daniel Howell or Philip Lester?" A professional voice at the end replied.

"Um… this is Daniel"

"Ah yes Mr. Howell, this is PC Moore I want to let you know that we think we may have found one of the attackers" PC Moore paused to allow the information to absorb. "His name is Liam Simmons, and he has admitted to seeing Philip on the night he was attacked but he is refusing to say whether he was there during the attack or not, we were hoping you could bring Philip down to give us a formal identification"

Dan thought for a minute "I'm not sure, Phil's in a bad way mentally I don't know if he'll be able to cope if I bring him to his attacker"

"I know and I understand that but surely its better if he's locked away rather than roaming the streets and we need to have them identified"

"Okay I will try my best to get him down there but no promise"

"You're best is all we ask of you Daniel" with that PC Moore hung up the phone and nerves settled in the pit of Dan's stomach.

This was going to be interesting.


	11. Chapter 10

Dan didn't know how he was going to tackle the problem at hand. He had to tell a mentally unstable man that he was going to have to go to his attacker. He slowly walked towards Phil's bedroom going over in his head possible things he could say to Phil once he got there but nothing was coming to him he was just going to have to be blunt. As he reached the door he took a deep breath before knocking on the white wooden door.

"Phil, it's Dan, can I come in? I have to speak to you" Dan heard nothing though assumed that was the closest to confirmation he was going to get so slowly pushed the door open. He saw Phil's breathing quicken as Dan got nearer. Dan couldn't believe what Phil had been reduced to in such a small amount of time. He was so scared of his best friend who he spent almost every minute of every day.

"Phil, the police want us to go to the station. They think they've caught one of the men that… um… hurt you. We need you to identify him." Dan said sweetly. Phil's head shot up as he realized he was going to be taken to a possible attacker and he shook his head vigorously. Tears started to spew from his eyes out of sheer terror. He thought he had punished himself enough for what had happened without everyone else punishing him too.

"Please, Phil, I promise I will not let him hurt you I will stay with you the entire time. It's just so the police can lock him away" Phil looked deep into Dan's chocolate brown eyes, doing everything to find any form of dishonesty but found none and for once in the last 48 hours Dan had felt like he'd made some progress with Phil. Phil still wouldn't sit too close to him in the taxi but he had trusted him enough to actually go to the police station.

"Right, so what's going to happen is myself, Dr. James who is a professional psychologist and the two of you will go through that door where they'll be a window that looks into another room. My colleagues PC Morgan and PC Tabolt will bring the suspect out at the other side of the window so he will not be able to get to you, okay?" PC Moore explained carefully to Dan and Phil once they arrived at the station. Dan nodded in understanding but Phil was frozen in place staring at the door that he had to go through to possibly reunited with a man who raped him.

"You ready Phil?" Dan asked kindly concern lacing his every word. Phil nodded his head unsurely.

"Um… W-will y-you h-hold my h-hand?" Phil stuttered nervously. Normally Dan wouldn't do this sort of thing with a male friend, nor would Phil ever ask for this, but this was a different situation and since the incident Phil would hardly allow Dan in the same room as him let alone ask for help and that help being physical contact. So he took Phil's small hand in his as they slowly walked into the room and waited until they saw the door open on the other side. Two police walked in with a man in between them. The man was about 6 ft tall but quite muscular with blonde spiked up hair. He had green eyes and an evil smirk.

As soon as Phil seen the man the images of Dom the first man who raped him, the leader who shoved his cock down his throat, the men who stroked his body and laughed as if it was a game came flashing through his mind. He let go of Dan's hand and clasped his hands around his ears in an attempt to block out the sounds of the men's disgusting pleasure. He hit the wall and allowed himself to slide to the floor. His breathing became rapid and his throat began closing up as tears fell from his eyes and soon he was having a full blown panic attack.

"Get him out of here!" PC Moore shouted to the police officers holding the attacker.

"Phil, Phil it's Dan please try and breathe, you can do it" Dan whispered but Phil couldn't hear anything, his vision was wavering and soon all he could see was black.


	12. Chapter 11

Back at home Dan was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Tears clouded his vision as he thought of Phil lying on the floor, unconscious with an oxygen mask over his face. He had literally passed out from seeing one of the sick bastards that had done this to him. Why Phil? Out of everyone it could've happened to why destroy a happy, positive soul like Phil?

Suddenly Dan heard a soft knock on his door. His brain went into overdrive. It couldn't be Phil surely, but as he gave his permission for the person to enter he couldn't have been more wrong. Phil slowly walked towards Dan. Tears dripping down his face, arms hugging himself. In reality he was a 6ft tall man but at this moment in time he looked tiny. Dan tried not to make any sudden movements as not to scare Phil but he sat up in order to acknowledge his presence. Phil's eyes were focused on the floor. He wanted to feel Dan's arms around him. But he was still so scared, scared of Dan turning him away, scared of Dan finding out what happened, scared of Dan hurting him.

"Phil, you okay?" Dan whispered questioningly, cursing that he'd ask such a question after he could see the obvious distress his friend was in.

Slowly Phil sat on the bed next to Dan and cautiously wrapped his arms around Dan's waist burying his face in his roommate's chest and began silently sobbing. Dan didn't hesitate before wrapping his arms round Phil holding him tight enough to hold him together, but softly enough to not break him. He was softly stroking his beautiful black hair as Phil's body shook from the force of his sobs.

Dan couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. His friend who had avoided him since that fateful day had finally come to him. Had finally allowed him to comfort him, protect him, look after him and maybe soon he will tell him exactly what happened on that day. It was only a small step to recovering but you always need the first step to get to the rest.

**I know this chapter is short but it was needed to get to the next bit so thanks for reading 3 **


	13. Chapter 12

"Its okay sweetheart, it's alright" Dan whispered softly stroking Phil's back. The sound of Phil's sniffs and sobs made tears sting Dan's eyes but he was going to stay strong. He had to.

"I-Its… n-not…D-Dan…" Phil gasped "T-The b-blood won't s-stop… and i-it hurts t-to much"

"What do you mean there's too much blood?" Dan asked concerned. What if there was something wrong with Phil that he didn't know about? Maybe this was more serious than he originally thought. But Phil stayed quiet he didn't want to say any more than he already had. But he also didn't want to keep it inside any longer. It was slowly nibbling away at his insides and soon there would be nothing left of him. He needed to tell Dan, he needed someone to help him be better again. But he didn't want people to be repulsed by him and he wasn't sure which was the lesser of the two evils.

"Please darling, please speak to me I just want to help you"

"I c-can't… you won't w-want to b-be my friend i-if you knew" Dan was confused now. He'd had his suspicions for a while that this was no ordinary reaction purely because of the way he had reacted. But why would Dan hate him if Phil was the victim it made no sense.

"Please Phil, whatever it is you can tell me I promise I'm on your side not theirs we all are"

Phil knew it was time. He could have an STD for all he knew and he hadn't stopped bleeding… down there and it had been almost four days since it happened. Plus if they had one of the men that had done this then he might confess and tell the police what had happened that night. He took a deep breathe and let the words fall from his mouth.

"I d-didn't want i-it I promise… I-I would've s-stopped i-it if I c-could…I-I'm sorry… I kn-know you w-will think I-I'm dirty… B-But it w-was six of Th-them… Th-They r-raped me D-Dan… Th-They raped me a-and it h-hurt so much"

**Now the confessions out we'll see what Dan does from now on thanks for reading.**


	14. Chapter 13

Dan didn't know what to say or what to do as he held Phil close to him. When he said 'happy new year' to his family and friends he didn't think this is how his year would plan out. Here he is rocking his best friend in his arms on his bed comforting him after he suffered sexual assault. Tears were dripping out of their puffy red eyes. His mind was conjuring up all different things that could come from this, I mean Phil clearly had mental issues since the event and that burden would surely show itself some more in the future. I mean _six_. Six men had forced an innocent man to have sex with all of them. He couldn't imagine how bad Phil must be feeling and he'd been suffering in silence. I mean he knew it had only three- four days since the event. However, with the extremity of the event he needed help as soon as possible and yet he hadn't reached out for the thought of people thinking he was disgusting. It's amazing how the human mind can manipulate these events to make a person think that they are to blame.

Dan quickly remembered what Phil had said about too much blood. What did he mean by that? Did he mean down… there. Dan knew that was probably the case but what could he do? He doubted he would let anyone near that area or be prepared for any form of nudity. He should really take him to the hospital but that could lose him all of his trust that he'd just gained in the last hour. But he didn't want to let Phil suffer any more than he already had the pain must be unbearable.

Dan was right, the pain was unbearable. Phil felt sick all the time as he was filled with the tainted liquid the men had left him with. The burning around his genital area was excruciating. Not to mention the blood every time he sat down it was as if someone was ripping him from back to front with a knife. His leg was throbbing and his hips felt as if they were being snapped. But worst of all he felt as if his skin was crawling, he could forever feel the hands touching him: holding his arms down to the floor, stroking his thighs, caressing his bum, pinning down his hips, touching his penis. He couldn't bare it any more. He started squirming in Dan's arms trying to get away. Dan doesn't care he's revolted hence why he hasn't said anything since he found out. Phil could feel another panic attack coming on. His palms were sweating and his throat was closing. The amount of air he was taking in just wasn't enough as he began wheezing in a desperate attempt to fill his lungs. Dan desperately tried to grab Phil's wrist in an effort to get him back in order to help him but Phil responded to this by crawling away from him and sliding down the wall away from Dan's bed.

"Phil please, you're having a panic attack you need to let me help you" Dan cried desperately, kneeling down in front of him and placing a hand on his right arm. The pain in Phil's chest was intensifying as he lunged forward and began dry heaving. Dan reached for Phil's hand put it on his own chest using his other hand to brush Phil's hair away from his face. He began taking deep breathes with Phil's hand still firmly on his chest. "Phil, you have to calm down. You have the power to stop this I believe in you, there's enough oxygen for you to breathe please breathe in…. and breathe out" Phil's panic attack continued in quick, ragged for about another two minutes before his brain began to register Dan's words. He let out another few shaky breathes before his breathing was back to normal.

"I'm so proud of you, Phil" Dan whispered throwing his arms around Phil which made him immediately tense up.

"Come on babe, stay here tonight, I have no intention to do anything bad to you I just want you to feel safe" To his surprise Phil nodded to exhausted to deny that he wanted the love and comfort of Dan and the two of them clambered onto the bed and slipped under the covers Phil still tightly protected in Dan's strong arms.

Phil slowly drifted into a peaceful slumber while Dan watched over him. Looking at how innocent Phil looked before letting his tears fall as he thought of what his best friend had been through, he surely was broken and he may never be the same again. :'(

**A bit of a longer chapter this time now the confessions are out we'll have to watch their journey to getting Phil as close to his normal self as possible. **


	15. Chapter 15

It was midnight and Phil was curled up tightly in Dan's warm, strong arms, exhausted from crying, exhausted from suffering. Dan lay awake staring at the ceiling. He was stuck in a catch 22 situation; if he doesn't take Phil to the hospital then the poor boy could be left with some serious damage. But if he takes him to the hospital then Phil will lose all trust in Dan again and Dan didn't know for certain whether or not Phil would give him a third chance. He glanced down at Phil, black hair strewn across his face, skin as white as a sheet, moonlight reflecting of the tear tracks on his face. How could someone do this? What goes through their mind when they attack someone and do unspeakable things such as what has happened to Phil. All Dan knew was that he had to protect his older friend and make sure nobody laid a finger on his perfect body ever again. Dan couldn't help but feel as though this was all his fault. He walked away from Phil at the party knowing that Phil had left his money at home; he didn't even go looking for Phil when they had been separated for an hour. Phil shouldn't have walked home alone that night, scrap that Phil shouldn't have walked home at all that night. He should've been with Dan struggling to stay awake in the back of a taxi at three in the morning.

All of a sudden Dan felt movement in his arms. He looked down to see Phil tossing and turning sweat dripping off his forehead, he appeared to be trying to rid himself of an awful dream. He was whimpering and releasing tiny heartbreaking cries. Dan shook him gently trying to free him from the captivity of his own mind but nothing seemed to be working. Until Phil sat up abruptly and hurried out of the room before Dan even registered what was happening. Phil stood in the kitchen looking round bewildered before running into the bathroom closing the door and locking it, breathing heavy and ragged with his back against the door. He ran over the drawers next to the sink emptying all of the contents onto the floor with a loud crash before falling to his knees next to everything.

"Phil! Phil! Please let me in!" Dan shouted frantically from outside before running to get the spare key. Phil was still pushing all the bottles and soaps aside searching when Dan finally unlocked the door and barged into the room. He grabbed Phil's hands and pulled him away from the mess he'd made on the floor the man still struggling in his grip.

"Phil, please baby you have to calm down. Please calm down" He said trying to remain calm as Phil struggled and fought against his worried friend.

"You have to let me try Dan, you have to let me do it" Phil babbled helplessly before without warning he just stopped. All emotion drained out of his face and he looked as though he couldn't see Dan any more before collapsing backwards eyes unfocused straight ahead. All fight leaving his body. Dan tried to catch Phil before he dropped to the floor in an attempt to make sure he doesn't have to be in any more pain than he already is.

"Oh my god, Phil" Dan gasped when his friend reached the floor "Please talk to me" he said as he kneeled next to Phil's weak body, hauling him up under his arms and hugging him against his chest.

"He's coming for me, he'll find the apartment, I'm not safe, I'm never safe, I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide" Phil rambled mindlessly.

"No Phil, he's not going to hurt you ever again, that's a promise I swear to keep until my dying day" Dan whispered. But he was worried; maybe he can't keep Phil safe forever. What if someone broke the promise for him?


End file.
